50 Things You Need to Know About Marital Relationships

  1. Great relationships don’t just happen; they are created. You have to work at it.
  2. If your job takes all of your best energy, your marriage will suffer.
  3. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is your own happiness.
  4. It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time.
  5. When you complain about your spouse to your friends, remember that their feedback can be distorted.
  6. The only rules in your marriage are those you both choose to agree with.
  7. It is not conflict that destroys marriage; it is the cold, smoldering resentment that you hold for a long time.
  8. It’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with what you have.
  9. If you think you are too good for your spouse, think again.
  10. Growing up in a happy household doesn’t ensure a happy marriage, or vice versa.
  11. It’s never too late to repair damaged trust.
  12. The real issue is usually not the one you are arguing about.
  13. Love isn’t just a feeling; it is expressed through our actions.
  14. Expectations set us up for disappointment and resentment.
  15. Arguments cannot be avoided, but destructive arguments can be avoided.
  16. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is focused attention.
  17. Even people with happy marriages sometimes worry that they married the wrong person.
  18. Your spouse cannot rescue you from unhappiness, but they can help you rescue yourself.
  19. The cost of a lie is far greater than any advantage you gain from speaking it.
  20. Your opinion is not necessarily the truth.
  21. Trust takes years to establish and moments to destroy.
  22. Guilt-tripping won’t get you what you really want.
  23. Don’t neglect your friends.
  24. If you think, “You are not the person I married,” you are probably right.
  25. Resisting the temptation to prove your point will win you a lot of points.
  26. Generosity of spirit is the foundation of a good marriage.
  27. If your spouse is being defensive, you might be giving them reasons to be like that.
  28. Marriage isn’t 50/50; it’s 100/100.
  29. You can pay now or pay later, but the later you pay, the more interest and penalties you acquire.
  30. Marriage requires sacrifice, but your benefits outweigh your costs.
  31. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continous process.
  32. Accepting the challenges of marriage will shape you into a better person.
  33. Creating a marriage is like launching a rocket: once it clears the pull of gravity, it takes much less energy to sustain the flight.
  34. A successful marriage has more to do with how you deal with your current reality than with what you’ve experienced in the past.
  35. Don’t keep feelings of gratitude to yourself.
  36. There is no greater eloquence than the silence of real listening.
  37. One of the greatest questions to ask your spouse is “How best can I love you?”
  38. Marriage can stay fresh over time.
  39. Assumptions are fine as long as you check them before acting upon them.
  40. Intention may not be the only thing, but it is the most important thing.
  41. Good sex won’t make your marriage, but it’ll help.
  42. Privacy won’t hurt your marriage, but secrecy will.
  43. Possessiveness and jealousy are born out of fear, not love.
  44. Authenticity is contagious and habit-forming.
  45. If your spouse thinks something is important, then it is.
  46. Marriage never outgrows the need for romance.
  47. The sparkle of a new relationship is always temporary.
  48. There is violence in silence when it’s used as a weapon.
  49. It’s better to focus on what you can do to make things right, then what your partner did to make things wrong.
  50. If you think marriage counseling is too expensive, try divorce.

10 Habits of Happy Muslim Couples

What does it take to stay Muslim, married and extremely happy today? As oxymoronic as that just sounded, believe it or not, it’s absolutely possible!

Marriage, especially for Muslims, is a lot more than having someone to call a husband or wife. The marital relationship is an incredible blessing and divine sign, as Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in the Qur’an:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [Qur’an: Chapter 30, Verse 21]

The whole purpose of having a spouse is to find tranquility in and with them; and our relationships with our spouses have signs that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is asking us to give thought to.

How are some Muslim couples finding this tranquility in their marriage while many others seem to be having a miserable time? What are those couples whose eyes exude deep love and contentment doing right in their relationships?

Here are the top 10 habits of Muslim couples who’ve found tranquility and happiness in their marriage:

1. They love each other for Allah’s sake

What does it mean to love each other for Allah’s sake? It means you make the love and obedience of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) the basis and focus of your relationship with someone else. It means you love someone so much that you want your love for them to last beyond this lifetime and into the Hereafter, where you can live in eternal happiness with them having earned Allah’s pleasure together. It means you love someone purely because of how much they remind you of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and help you get closer to Him.

Hold it right there. I know what you just thought: “but my wife/husband doesn’t remind me of Allah at all.”

A lot of people who marry each other even for primarily religious reasons end up disappointed after marriage when they suddenly find their spouse not praying all the sunnah prayers (like they thought they would) or reading the Qur’an everyday or the morning and evening adhkar or fasting Mondays and Thursdays or being excited about attending halaqahs or praying tahajjud or doing something for the Ummah –like they thought they would. Our own restrictions of spirituality to acts of physical or outward worship blind us from seeing how much our spouses contribute to improving our character, which is an unsurpassed form of spiritual growth, because the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) says:

“Nothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier than good character. Indeed the person with good character will have attained the rank of the person of fasting and prayer.” [Tirmidhi]

Your spouse has loved you for Allah’s sake every time they have:

  • stopped you from harboring suspicions or ill-will (about your boss or competitor or any other annoying person in your life)
  • stopped you from backbiting (about your friends, colleagues, in-laws (ahem))
  • helped you be more kind and gentle in your speech and manners (to helpers, waiters, laborers, siblings, elders and children)
  • helped you fulfill people’s trusts (by encouraging you to get to work on time and do the best at your job, to pay off your debts, to keep people’s secrets)
  • helped you be more honest with yourself or to others
  • helped you forgive someone and overlook their faults
  • helped you become more generous or less extravagant
  • helped you recognize and overcome the weaknesses of your inner self

In all of the above and so many other times that go unnoticed, committed Muslim spouses consistently help each other get closer to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). They stop each other from anything that may lower them in the sight of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and constantly help each other win Allah’s love.

Truly happy Muslim couples engage in winning Allah’s pleasure together whenever and in any way they can: they glorify Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) together in the quiet hours of Fajr, they thank Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) in tahajjud together, they make it a point to read a minimum amount of Qur’an everyday, they do regular or even random acts of kindness and charity and they maintain loving and happy ties with each other’s families.

 

2. They are grateful for each other

If there is one fundamental need that exists in every single human relationship, it is the need to feel relevant and appreciated. And there is no other relationship where this need is as grossly overlooked and abused, as in marriage. Why does this happen? Is it because humans tend to take things for granted, especially when they’re done by those closest to them?

When you’re newly married, every single thing your spouse does for you feels so special. As time goes by, your husband going out to work hard and earn for the family becomes normal; and a few years later it becomes “his duty anyway”. Similarly, every meal your new bride cooks is delightful, then somehow the salt always seems to keep getting lesser, till eventually she’s “not doing anyone a favor by just doing her job”.

Sounds familiar? Oh yes, ungrateful Muslim spouse speaking right there!

Happy Muslim couples live and breathe this hadith in their marriage:

“He who does not thank the people is not thankful to Allah.” [Abu Dawud]

What is not there to thank your spouse for? Here are 5 reasons to thank your spouse right now:

  1. For providing you a roof to live under/for making a home out of your house
  2. For buying you clothes to wear/for making sure you have clean clothes to wear everyday
  3. For buying you the food you eat everyday/for making delicious meals for you everyday
  4. For being there to take you where you need to go/for being there to take care of the house when you’re away
  5. For coming back home to you every evening/for being the person you can come home to everyday

Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in the Qur’an:

“… If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.” [Qur’an: Chapter 14, Verse 7]

Our spouses are an immense favor and blessing of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) upon us: they are an irreplaceable source of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical comfort. Happy Muslim couples keep getting happier because they simply implement the command of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) in the above verse: They are grateful everyday for each other, so Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) increases the happiness they find in each other, just like He subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) promised.

The verse doesn’t end there though. The last half of the verse should send a chill down every married person’s spine: “…if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.

How many times have our egos stopped us from acknowledging and appreciating our spouses? How many times have we denied all the good they’ve done for us through a single word or sentence in the middle of a senseless argument? Every conflict left unresolved, every hurtful word exchanged and every baseless complaint is a refusal to value one of Allah’s best gifts to us: a spouse. It is a denial of a favor Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has blessed us with that many are longing for. And you don’t have to wait for the Hereafter to bear the consequences of such denial. Days of depression, frustration, anger, spite, lack of barakah (blessing), and even illness and hardships make life living hell for those who refuse to be grateful in their marriages.

Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) also says in the Qur’an:

“And as for your Lord’s favor, then discourse about it! (i.e., proclaim it).” [Qur’an: Chapter 93, Verse 11]

So if you aren’t doing so already, stop holding back and proclaim to your spouse how grateful you are for them!

You and your spouse can start becoming grateful for each other right now by:

  • thanking each other for at least one thing everyday: you could do this through a text message, a note in a lunchbox or on the fridge, or just before you go to sleep at night (brothers, I promise you will not decrease in height if you do this)
  • exchanging a smile that says “thank you, you mean the world to me”
  • saying “thank you/jazak Allah khayr” every time your spouse does something for you
  • getting/doing small things for your spouse that you know they will absolutely love
  • writing down things about each other you’re grateful for in a journal and exchanging your journals regularly: journaling makes you reflect, realize and truly internalize what you’re thinking about. There’s nothing better than internalizing the gratitude you feel towards your spouse; and there’s nothing more heart-warming for them to read than what you’ve written from the depths of your heart!

3. They communicate like best friends

What a Whatsapp conversation looks like a few years into a typical marriage:

“Need bread.”
“K.”

I mean, c’mon: “K”?? Not even an “o” to make that miserable “k” look a little less miserable?!

What happens to married people’s manners, interest, enthusiasm and most importantly good assumptions when talking to their spouses? Is it okay to talk this way because you’re just so used to someone? Why do we not talk this way to people we’ve been friends with for years? What makes a spouse less-deserving of respect, enthusiasm and affection when no one deserves it more than them (except our parents) for choosing to live every single day with us? Why do we not talk to our spouses like we talk to our best friends, even though they are much closer to us than anyone will ever be?

Happy Muslim couples talk like best friends, in good times and in conflict. In good times, they wait to tell each other about their day, they joke, laugh, share ideas, flirt, compliment each other, respect their spouse’s right to hold different opinions and learn from each other’s opposing points of view. In fact, happy Muslim couples communicate just like the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) and his wives did. 

Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) narrated that:

Allah’s Messenger ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said to her: “I know when you are pleased with me or angry with me.” I said, “Whence do you know that?” He said, “When you are pleased with me, you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Muhammad,’ but when you are angry with me, then you say, ‘No, by the Lord of Abraham.’ ” Thereupon I said, “Yes (you are right), but by Allah, O Allah’s Messenger, I leave nothing but your name.” [Bukhari]

Couples that have learnt to communicate effectively do away with the majority of marital stress because they become so attuned to each other’s feelings that they can immediately sense the emotional state of their spouse through the slightest change in words or tone. And as our beloved Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) put it so beautifully – even in anger; happy, loving Muslim spouses never desert anything more than each other’s name when they try to communicate that they feel wronged or hurt. They never desert love and respect for each other in conflict: this, is the key to staying happy in your marriage.

 

4. They never lose focus of each other’s primary needs

What I’ve personally discovered through my own marriage and from those of all the people who’ve discussed marital issues with me, is that the primary reason for continuous marital stress and discord is almost always due to the neglect of a spouse’s primary needs.

A lot of books (by Muslim and non-Muslim authors alike) tend to classify primary marital needs based on gender or a spouse’s role in the marriage. You must’ve definitely read about men’s primary needs being respect and physical satisfaction, and that women prioritize the need for love, verbal expression and emotional satisfaction. However true these classifications may seem in theory, they’re far from practical reality, because the truth is: both men and women need love, respect, physical and emotional satisfaction, just in different degrees and ways of expression.

Men and women are equally human: Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has created both genders with a sense of human dignity, with physical desires and with hearts that have feelings. When wives get snappy and say mean things to their spouses, husbands do feel hurt and unloved; and when husbands are rude and hurl insults at their spouses, wives do feel humiliated and disrespected. When a woman’s physical desires are consistently dismissed or left half-fulfilled, she feels as frustrated as a man in such situations does; and when a man never hears any words of appreciation or admiration, he feels as underappreciated and unvalued as a woman in these situations does.

Every marriage is made up of two unique people of opposite genders. That’s why, what works for one couple may not necessarily work in your marriage, because you and your spouse are different people altogether with different preferences, priorities and circumstances. For this reason, generally accepted theories that may apply to many marriages may not apply to many others because different people are different. And happy Muslim couples have this figured out. It is extremely crucial for the health of your marriage that you sit down with your spouse and figure out what is important to them, and how they’ve always expected you to fulfill those needs for them.

Here’s how to figure out and focus on fulfilling your spouse’s primary needs:

  1. Ask your spouse: “What is the one thing you cannot do without in this marriage?” Give them options to think about like love, respect, emotional or physical satisfaction, financial security, a peaceful or Islamic environment at home, etc.
  2. Ask them for examples of how they want these needs fulfilled: “How have you always expected me to do this for you?” Give them examples to help them figure out their preferences: ask them if they expect you to get small surprise gifts regularly, verbally compliment them more, take the initiative to pray or read and reflect on the Qur’an together, plan date nights, consult them before making a significant decision, talk to them in a certain way, dress up and prepare special surprise meals at home with the kids asleep, not say certain things in arguments, etc.
  3. Write down their needs and preferences.
  4. Make dua and sincere effort to fulfill your spouse’s primary needs: ask Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) to help you make your spouse happy, and then actively think of and create easy ways to do what is important to your spouse.

5. They are the comfort of each other’s eyes

Happy Muslim couples strive to be the comfort of each other’s eyes. They seek to be the answer to the dua that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has taught us to make:

“And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”” [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 74]

What does it take to become a beautiful sight to look at?

Smile at your spouse

When was the last time you beamed at your spouse or saw your spouse smiling lovingly at you? Okay, I shouldn’t have asked that question because you’d probably need to time travel back into the ancient past. Smile when you open the door to your tired husband, smile when you get to see your wife after a long day at work, smile at the mother/father of your child for giving you such a beautiful gift; let your smile be the last thing your spouse sees before they close their eyes to sleep. Smile because there’s no reason not to.

Look good for your spouse

The noble companion Ibn Abbas raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) is reported to have said:

“I like to take care of my appearance for my wife just as I like for her to take care of her appearance for me. This is because Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says: “And they (women) have rights similar (to those of their husbands) over them to what is reasonable.” ” [Tafsir Ibn Kathir]

You are the only man/woman your spouse is allowed to look at from head to toe, so please don’t be an eye sore! Yes, make this your mantra. Tell yourself this every time you look in the mirror at your unkempt hair, permanent pyjamas or neglected body. Looking good for your spouse is as important (and as easy) as everything else you do everyday like eating or sleeping.

It takes a maximum of 20 minutes to: shower, put on some attractive clothes and perfume, comb your hair and apply a dash of make-up (men: you don’t have to do the last bit so you have even less of an excuse!). Make these 20 minutes a fixed part of your routine, ideally just before your spouse gets home or before you sit down to relax at home after work.

Looking good for each other has even more to do with maintaining your health and fitness. You need to do this for your own self before anyone else. Slot in an hour at least everyday to work on your physical and mental fitness: work out wherever and whenever it is convenient for you, but make sure you do and your spouse makes time for their fitness too. There’s nothing more attractive to a spouse than having that healthy glow and fit physique!

Be their source of comfort and support

Who do you think of turning to when you’re depressed, afraid or going through a tough time? If your spouse was the first person that came to your mind, you have a wonderful marriage Alhamdulillah. Because that’s what Muslim spouses do: they are each other’s refuge, just like the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) and his wives were to each other.

When the Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) received the revelation for the first time, he began trembling with fear and ran to his wife Khadijah raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) seeking comfort and reassurance saying:

“O Khadijah! What is wrong with me? I was afraid that something bad might happen to me.” Then he told her the story. Khadijah raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) said, “Nay! But receive the good tidings! By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you, for by Allah, you keep good relations with your kith and kin, speak the truth, help the poor and the destitute, entertain your guests generously and assist those who are stricken with calamities.” [Bukhari]

 

6. They make each other bloom

Did you know your spouse was a separate person with a unique mind, heart, body and soul before they married you? And did you know that they still are that individual person, only with you by their side?

Marriages begin to go headlong into constant unhappiness when one or both spouses forget this fundamental fact: marriage makes people partners, not parts of each other that must be controlled and bossed over. As unfortunate as the truth may be, your spouse has a lot more roles to play in life than just being your spouse; and whenever you restrict them from doing justice to all their roles, you’re going to be the cause of their constant frustration, which will only spill into your own marital relationship.

Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has created each of us to contribute in so many ways during our life on this earth and has blessed us with the potential to be all that He wants us to be. Be that amazing person who motivates, encourages and helps your spouse discover and use their God-given potential and traits to bloom and be a source of joy and mercy to the world. Don’t stop your spouse from being kind and loving to their parents, don’t stop them from being helpful towards their colleagues and relatives, don’t make them cut ties that you know they should keep, don’t compel them to bottle up their talents when you know their skills can be used in a halal way to bring about a lot of good, don’t control their every relationship and acquaintance with other people like an air-traffic controller, don’t bark orders and rules and taunts at them at every opportunity: don’t make your spouse wither into a dull, lifeless, thorny, poisonous weed; because that is not what Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) created them to be – that’s what control freaks make out of the people they live with.

Happy Muslim couples are partners in growth and productivity: They acknowledge that their spouse is a slave of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) alone and marriage does not change that. They acknowledge their spouse’s other roles and responsibilities and encourage them to do justice to all of them. They recognize each other’s unique traits and talents and catalyze their spouse’s growth and worth as an individual.

 

7. They make time for each other – no matter what!

Sorry, there’s just no excuse not to give at least half an hour (okay, 15 minutes when you’re just too exhausted) of undivided attention and love to your spouse. Because the truth is, you’re not married just to slog all day to get money home, or to produce kids and take care of them 24/7. Before you know it, your bosses and jobs will change and you’ll be retiring and replaced, and the kids would’ve married and moved out. And the only person you will be left with is that spouse (read: stranger) you always put second to everything, who would’ve become too used to being neglected over the past 30 years to be that warm companion you’ll desperately be needing in your old age.

Your relationship needs exclusive attention every single day. Just like you’re saving everyday to build that comfortable house for the future. What’s the fun if you’re going to end up alone in that house, sleeping next to someone you don’t even recognize anymore? Instead, imagine this: you’re (finally!) going to be alone in that house with the person who’s listened to your worries and stories every night, who you’ve taken walks with everyday, who’s been there to lean on when you’ve been weak, who you’ve celebrated all your achievements and successes with: someone who’s been a friend indeed, every single day. Now is it really that hard to give half an hour of your time everyday to the person who deserves it most?

 

8. They fight the real enemies: ego, evil eye and shaytan

 

Ego

Here’s what the growth curve of a Muslim couple that’s learnt to manage marital conflict looks like:

  • 1st year of marriage: blame all conflicts on spouse
  • 2nd year of marriage: blame all conflicts on spouse, shaytan, evil eye and magic (seriously)
  • 3rd year of marriage: blame spouse for ‘causing’ conflict and take nominal blame for reacting absurdly
  • 4th year of marriage: make sure spouse takes at least half the blame for conflicts
  • 5th year of marriage: agree that your spouse has been right all along and there’s something you need to change about yourself

If you ask every happily married couple that’s successfully made it past the first five years, they’ll tell you there’s no bigger enemy to marital happiness than: ego.

Ego is the defense mechanism of the lower self, and ego in marriage sounds like:

“This is who I am and you better get used to it”
“I wouldn’t have said/done that if you didn’t say/do what you did”
“It’s all because of you”
“Does it look like I care anyway?”

And ego sounds very, very familiar.

This is because the lower self is a covert enemy lurking within each and every one of us. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) records Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) observation of the lower human self in the Qur’an:

“… Verily, the (human) self is inclined to evil, except when my Lord bestows His Mercy (upon whom He wills). Verily, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Qur’an: Chapter 12, Verse 53]

This doesn’t mean we are all inherently bad, but that we all have lower selves that are inclined to be oppressive, unruly and unjust; and it is only Allah’s subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) mercy that can make us rise above our destructive, narcissistic lower selves.

Why ego is the biggest threat to a marriage is because it is an enemy from within. Ego is like a deceptive double agent that distorts reality and makes us deny and justify the wrongs that our lower selves commit towards our spouses, convincing us that we are right; while we are oppressing our own selves and our spouses and actually walking a path of humiliating self-destruction.

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

“A believer is the mirror of his brother. When he sees a fault in it, he should correct it.” [Al Adab Al Mufrad]

There’s no one who mirrors our souls to us more accurately than our spouse, because no other human being gets to see us as intimately and habitually as they do. As a natural consequence, spouses stand the highest chance of facing our ego: the defensive wrath of our lower selves. But allowing your lower self to prevail in your marriage instead of seeing your marriage as a means to purify yourself is your own (disastrous) choice. Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in Surat Ash-Shams:

“And [by] the soul (self) and He who proportioned it. And inspired it [with discernment of] its wickedness and its righteousness. He has succeeded who purifies it, and he has failed who instills it [with corruption].” [Qur’an: Chapter 91, Verse 7-10]

Our spouses actually personify the mercy of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) when they mirror our flaws to us so we can rise above our lower selves. They make us discern our innermost weaknesses that we could not have seen for ourselves, and Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) has blessed us with them for our own spiritual purification and salvation.

The next time your spouse is desperately trying to get something about yourself across to you:

1. Just listen. Listen carefully and objectively, especially if they have been repeating it for a very long time.
2. Control the urge to defend yourself: look for the truth in your spouse’s words first.
3. Ask yourself: “Has anyone pointed this out about me before?” The answer could very likely be a yes, and if it is, then you’re definitely looking at a flaw that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) wants you to work on and get rid of.
4. Realize how merciful Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is being to you through your spouse. Thank Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and your spouse sincerely for caring so much about your success in the hereafter and making you a better person.

Try this 4-step exercise the next time you face conflict in your marriage. I promise you’ll see marital conflict in a whole new light: your spouse will no longer be the enemy and you’ll realize just what a big blessing they are for you!

 

Evil Eye

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

“The evil eye is real.” [Ibn Majah]

I am always in awe of the power of this extremely concise hadith, because it delivers three vital messages about the evil eye in one 5-word sentence:

  • the harm of the evil eye is very, very real (in case you were even thinking otherwise)
  • do not put yourself in its way; and
  • take measures to protect yourself from it

If you agree with point one, the second and third points just follow naturally. Muslim couples today are actually serving their marriages on exquisitely decorated social media platters for the evil eye to devour: not just the ceremony, but every single verbal and non-verbal marital exchange, meal, meeting, moment, mood and micro-second!

You cannot be friends with 500+ people on social media, half of whom may be trying hard to get married for a long time and keep shoving your marital happiness in their face. Not only is it unnecessary, it is highly insensitive.

Happy Muslim couples do share their marital happiness, but sensibly. Before sharing anything about your marital life with the public, ask yourself:

  • Is it necessary to share it with all the people I’m about to disclose it to?
  • Will it make any of them long to be in my position?
  • Is it better off being private?

Not putting your marriage in the way of the evil eye is the first way of protecting it from its harm. Reading the morning and evening adhkar, the duas prescribed for protection against the evil eye as well as constantly thanking Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) for your marriage and your spouse fortifies this protection immensely.

 

Shaytan

Remember all that incomprehensible pre-wedding drama between your spouse’s family and yours, or those regular ridiculous flare-ups that you realize made absolutely no sense after you and your spouse cooled down (e.g.: when “why did you turn off the light when you know I was reading?” ends in “marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life!” – W.H.A.T?!): yes, all those absurd, bizarre arguments that sprang out of nothing and all the other senseless discord in your marriage are the best compliments of shaytan.

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

“Iblis (shaytan) places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: I did so and so. And he says: You have done nothing. Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. The Satan goes near him and says: ‘You have done well and then embraces him.” [Muslim]

Shaytan doesn’t have any principles when he seeks to create marital discord: in fact, the rule is that he attacks from where you least expect it. Like through your normally loving, religious and sensible parent/sibling/well-wisher who begins to magnify some irrelevant flaw in your spouse that was somehow never an issue before you tied the knot. Shaytan perpetuates his whispers through their tongues, and you unwittingly believe them because they are your loved ones. And thus begins insane marital strife.

Here’s how to protect your marriage from the shaytan: 

  • Read the mu’awwadhatayn (Surat Al-Falaq and Surat An-Nas) and morning and evening adhkar daily.
  • If your spouse is behaving in a way or saying things they normally don’t, politely say: “honey, let’s not let the shaytan get to us.” This is a tried and tested way to defuse a senseless argument before it starts.
  • If you find yourself starting to get angry, seek refuge in Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) from the shaytan immediately.
  • If you hear anything negative about your spouse from anyone, examine the words for signs of shaytan’s whispers and traps. If there’s anything that may cause you to have even the slightest ill-feeling or resentment towards your spouse, consciously recall all the good in your spouse and compare it to what’s being said about them: you’ll see the false/irrelevant claims quickly dissipating.

9. They sense each other’s stress

You know those times when your spouse is just not being their normal self or getting ticked off by every little thing? Or when you do something special and they didn’t even seem to notice? If you look a little deeper, you’ll find there’s definitely something that’s bothering them (and it is not you). No matter how annoyingly they may be behaving, try to find out what’s wrong; try to sense their stress. They’ll most likely be having a problem at work, be down with an illness or close to that time of the month, or the kids would’ve done a fantastic job at driving them mad all day. Shaytan waits to use these moments of stress to spark an argument, because the spouse under stress doesn’t have the energy to fight him when their mind is exhausted by other troubles. He waits for the calmer spouse to eventually get annoyed, pick up the bait and say “what’s gotten into you?” and BAM! If you focus on putting your finger on what’s bothering your spouse and offering them support instead of getting worked up yourself, you immediately kill one more chance for shaytan to get to your marriage. Happy Muslim couples empathize with one another. Once you’ve figured out what’s bothering your spouse, give them the space, comfort or help they need to de-stress. Ask them if they’d like to take a nap, be alone for sometime, take a break from the kids, get some help with their work or spend some time with their friends or family, if it’ll make them feel better. Agree with your spouse to do this whenever either of you is acting out till you learn to sense each other’s stress just through your expressions, and your mutual intuition develops into a beautiful, unspoken language of care and understanding.

10. They are conscious of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) in conflict

There isn’t a single marriage where there isn’t any conflict or disagreement of some sort or degree. It is only the way in which conflicts are managed that distinguishes the health of one marriage from the other.

Of all the ways to manage and minimize marital conflict, the most powerful way is remembering that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is watching our every single move and expression, and hearing our every single word. And it is all being recorded for a Day when He subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) will be the Judge. Bringing this to mind during conflict helps us refrain from giving in to our lower selves and the whispers of Shaytan in the heat of the moment, and saves the marriage from a lot of irreversible, long-term damage.

The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

“I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right… ” [Abu Dawud]

And when he ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) was asked by Mu’adh bin Jabal raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him):

“O Prophet of Allah, will we be brought to account for what we say?’ He said: ‘May your mother not find you, O Mu’adh! Are people thrown onto their faces in Hell for anything other than the harvest of their tongues?’” [Ibn Majah]

The truth is, hell begins on earth when the tongue isn’t controlled during marital conflict. The humiliation and hurt inflicted by the tongue sows deep resentment and spite. That’s why Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in the Qur’an:

“And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy.”[Qur’an: Chapter 17, Verse 53]

If you disagree with your spouse over anything or are hurt by something they did or said, bring Allah’s presence to mind first to help lower your anger and approach the issue calmly. Then put your concerns across as gently as possible because gentleness is far more likely to make your spouse see your point than lashing out at them. The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said to Aisha raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her):

“Aisha! show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it.” [Abu Dawud]

Marriage in a nutshell

I remember giving a talk on love and relationships to an audience of young girls when I’d been married for just about two years. In my talk, I’d mentioned the verse of the Qur’an where Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) says:

“Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity…” [Qur’an: Chapter 24, Verse 26]

In the Q&A session, a girl from the audience asked: “but what about all those couples we see where one spouse is so good and the other is the complete opposite?”

I’d answered: “The verse is the general rule, but Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) may choose to test some of us through our spouses.”

Just then, someone in the front row of the audience put up her hand and requested to speak. She was one of the other guest speakers, a renowned author and a woman full of wisdom, and someone who was married for many more years than me. She said:

“What a person looks like to us is not necessarily what they are behind closed doors. So before judging whether a person is right or wrong for someone, remember that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) chooses spouses for us not to test us but to help us purify and improve our own selves.”

Three years from that talk and I still haven’t come across a greater truth about marriage. Indeed, as Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) said, in this beautiful relationship are signs for those who give thought. Marital happiness is not an end but a state; a state that can easily be achieved by just seeing marriage for what it really is: a means of attaining physical, emotional and spiritual tranquility through the loving and merciful companionship of a spouse.

We’d love to know what keeps your marriage healthy and loving. Share your thoughts on maintaining marital happiness in a comment below!

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Swiss politician says hijab should be banned from passports

Swiss politician says hijab should be banned from passports | The Independent

Mr Wobmann claims it is ‘unequal treatment’ that headscarves are allowed in passport photos while headbands and caps are not

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Swiss politician says hijab should be banned from passports | The Independent

A Swiss politician has signalled that women should not be allowed to wear the hijab in passport photographs.

Walter Wobmann, a member of the right-wing populist Swiss People’s Party, said it was unfair that headscarves were allowed in passport photos while other headwear, such as hair bands and caps are not.

Mr Wobmann, who has campaigned against minarets and the burka in Switzerland in the past, claimed the policy was an act of “unequal treatment”, according to Swiss daily newspaper Blick.

Swiss politician says hijab should be banned from passports | The Independent

He said: “It is unacceptable that you can wear a hijab in a photo but not a cap. This is not a question of religious freedom but of equal treatment.”

The official guidelines for passport and identity card photos in Switzerland, outlined by the Swiss federal police (FedPol), rule that headscarves are permitted in passport and driving licence photographs for reasons of faith – so long as the face is identifiable.

The rules state: “Headcoverings are in principle unacceptable […] exceptions are only made for medical or religious reasons. In those cases the face must be visible […] and there should not be shadows on the face.”

When asked whether he intended to campaign for an outright ban on headscarves in passport photos, Mr Wobmann responded that he was waiting for a response from the Federal Council before deciding on further steps.

Swiss politician says hijab should be banned from passports | The Independent

In the UK a head covering is allowed on passports and IDs if it is for religious purpose. The same applies in the United States, but an additional letter is required stating that it is for religious purposes

 

Anniesa Hasibuan’s collection featured silk hijabs in ivory, peach and grey silk

A Muslim fashion designer has made history as the first ever designer to feature hijabs in every outfit on a New York Fashion Week catwalk.

Indonesian designer Anniesa Hasibuan, 30, delighted crowds with her Spring Summer ’17 collection D’Jakarta. Models wore flowing trousers and skirts in silk, lace and chiffon in an array of pastel colours. One stand-out garment included an intricate gold lace dress, featuring metallic embroidery at the bust and a fringed lace train.

Each model wore a hijab in gold, pale pink or dove grey silk. It is believed to be the first time a New York Fashion Week catwalk show has featured hijabs on every model. Ms Hasibuan also made history as the first Indonesian designer to be featured at the fashion week and says her designs were inspired by her home city of Jakarta, where she also has a boutique.

 

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The show consisted of 48 different looks, of which 10 were evening gowns and 38 were ready-to-wear pieces.

Following the show, Ms Hasibuan took to the runway, where she received a standing ovation from the audience.

 

Online lifestyle magazine Muslim Girl welcomed the collection, with reviewer Maha Syeda writing: “The Indonesian designer brought together the perfect elements of her cultural home country and the metropolitan western fashion world to create a beautiful harmony of fashion and modesty, because, yes — they don’t have to clash.”

Fans of the designer took to social media to praise for the collection, with one fan calling the show “absolutely breathtaking”. Another wrote “this was everything!”

 

The designer told CNN: “I am so proud and thankful for everyone on the team who helped me so this event could happen, and I am so thankful to international and local media from Indonesia for exposing my show. I did not realise the result can be this amaxing, and I am thrilled and humbled by the welcome reaction given.”

Ms Hasibuan has previously held shows at major fashion capitals including London and Paris but this was her first catwalk in the US.

New York Fashion Week ran from 8 to 15 September this year. Across the catwalk shows, around 125,000 people are estimated to attend the shows while another 2 million watch online via live streams

 

ٍSource : http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/new-york-fashion-week-hijab-collection-muslim-designer-anniesa-hasibuan-djakarta-a7310796.html

German restaurant owner expels Muslim woman over veil row, sparks social media storm

A restaurant owner in northern Germany has triggered a social media storm after expelling a Muslim woman who refused to remove her niqab. The man reportedly received a barrage of “negative comments” on social media for his actions.

 

The row started last Saturday when a Muslim woman went to theSeekrug restaurant, reportedly to see the local ‘Festival of Light’,according to the Rheinische Post newspaper. The event attracted over 3,000 people who gathered in and around the restaurant.

Christian Schulz, the restaurant owner, said he had asked the woman to remove the veil and show her face, but that she had refused and“immediately began to rant,” leaving the place shortly afterwards.

Following the incident, Schulz was targeted with abusive comments about Seekrug on its Facebook page, with Schulz and his staff reportedly described as “racist” and “neo-Nazi,” the newspaper adds.

“What has been written about us was so crazy, even the staff have been insulted,” Schulz told the newspaper. He claimed his actions had nothing to do with racism, saying “in times like this one should do the same at an event visited by so many people.”

Schulz wrote in a Facebook post that he had to defend his restaurant against “negative judgments” and delete “two of my posts with nearly 800 comments.”

 

The comments on Schulz’s Facebook page are now overwhelmingly supportive.

“In a time of Islamist terror it is really necessary to show spreading Islam the limits set by our secular society. Citizens admire you for your courage,” wrote Thomas Mueller.

Meanwhile, Schulz strongly denied accusations of being sympathetic to racism, in defense posting an image of him with a black Seekrug chef. German media reported that Schulz employs staff from Nigeria, Ghana, Pakistan and Portugal.

He also told Neue Westfaelische newspaper that he shows the door to far-right visitors wearing Thor Steinar clothing, a label popular among neo-Nazis: “I can do nothing on a street, but in my restaurant I won’t tolerate them.” 

Wearing niqabs or burqas in public is a controversial topic in Germany, following several recent terrorist attacks carried out by perpetrators linked to Islamic State (IS, formerly ISIS/ISIL).

 

Source : https://www.rt.com/news/359552-german-restaurant-niqab-row/

 

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‘The Way People Look at Us Has Changed’: Muslim Women on Life in Europe

hijabThe storm over bans on burkinis in more than 30 French beach towns has all but drowned out the voices of Muslim women, for whom the full-body swimsuits were designed. The New York Times solicited their perspective, and the responses — more than 1,000 comments from France, Belgium and beyond — went much deeper than the question of swimwear.

What emerged was a portrait of life as a Muslim woman, veiled or not, in parts of Europe where terrorism has put people on edge. One French term was used dozens of times: “un combat,” or “a struggle,” to live day to day. Many who were born and raised in France described confusion at being told to go home.

Courts have struck down some of the bans on burkinis — the one in Nice, the site of a horrific terror attack on Bastille Day, was overturned on Thursday — but the debate is far from over.

“For years, we have had to put up with dirty looks and threatening remarks,” wrote Taslima Amar, 30, a teacher in Pantin, a suburb of Paris. “I’ve been asked to go back home (even though I am home).” Now, Ms. Amar said, she and her husband were looking to leave France.

Laurie Abouzeir, 32, said she was considering starting a business caring for children in her home in Toulouse, southern France, because that would allow her to wear a head scarf, frowned upon and even banned in some workplaces.

Many women wrote that anti-Muslim bias had intensified after the attacks on Charlie Hebdo in Paris in January 2015, and in Brussels, Paris and Nice more recently. Halima Djalab Bouguerra, a 21-year-old student in Bourg-en-Bresse, France, dated the change further back, to the killings by Mohammed Merah in the southwest of the country in 2012.

“The way people look at us has changed,” Ms. Bouguerra wrote. “Tongues have loosened. No one is afraid of telling a Muslim to ‘go back home’ anymore.”

Hijab BEAUTIFICATION AND ADORNMENT

Author unknown : 

The Qur’an lays down the code of conduct for women in the following words:

And play your role by being in your houses and do not keep exhibiting your beauty and decorations like what used to happen in the Jahiliyyah period (before Islam). (33:33)

Abu Bakr al-Jassas says in explaining this verse, “This verse points out the fact that women are ordered to play their role in the house and are forbidden from loitering outside of their houses.”

It was revealed when the Muslim ummah was being formed in Madina as an example for the coming generations of Muslims. It sought to put an end to the Jahiliyyah practices of the pagan Arabs.

‘Umar radi Allahu anhu remarked: “By Allah, we did not give any position to women in the Jahiliyyah period until such time that Allah sent His command in respect of them and apportioned for them the role that was to be theirs.” (Muslim)

Under this apportionment women were given the role of making their own homes the centers of their attention rather than going about exhibiting their physical charms and worldly possessions. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that the following type of women constitute one of the categories of the dwellers of Hell: “Those women who seem naked even when dressed and those who walk flirtingly and those who plait their heads like the humps of camels, thus inviting people’s attention, will not enter Paradise nor will they smell its fragrance even though its fragrance can be smelt from a very long distance.” (Muslim).

[If we look at this hadith closer- “who seem naked when dressed” and apply it to ourselves. Meaning, we must not wear clothing that show the shape of our bodies such as tight fitting skirts, pants, or jackets. what is the point of wearing hijab when a man can see the shape of our body?

The hadith also says “those who walk flirtingly”. This needs to be looked at even closer because the way we dress these days “walking flirtingly” may not be intended. The invention of high heels goes all the way back to the history of european fashion. High heels were originally developed for men, so that their gait would seem flirtatious. It then carried onto women, whose purpose was for the women to have a “flirtatious gait”, precisely HOW women DO walk on high heels. Sheikh Uthiemeen has ruled wearing of high heel shoes as undesirable for health reasons as well as its deceptive outcome of making the woman look taller than she really is.]

Islam, however, does not prohibit beautification (zinat) on the part of women as long as it is not done in a way that injuriously interferes with the limbs or the body OR is displayed outside the home.

In ancient times there were many kinds of defacement practiced on the bodies of men and animals, partly on account of superstition or pagan custom and partly on account of the craze for fashion and display. Examples of this were tattooing, sharpening or spacing the teeth, shaving or plucking the hair, wearing hair pieces, etc. Many of these practices still survive and are, in fact, getting more and more refined. Since all these practices change or seriously interfere with the natural creation of Allah, the Prophet (peace be upon him) cursed those who indulged in them for the purpose of mere beautification.

One report says, “The Messenger of Allah cursed women who tattooed, and those who got themselves tattooed, those who engaged in sharpening the teeth (as a mark of beauty) and those who had their teeth sharpened.” (Bukhari and Muslim) The Messenger of Allah cursed women who had spaces made between their teeth in order to increase their beauty, thus changing the creation of Allah.

A third report says, “The Messenger of Allah cursed the women who plucked hair and those who were employed to pluck the eyebrows.” (Abu Dawud)

hijab

This method of beautification would include the modern practice of shaving the eyebrows and then painting on new ones, or shaving certain hair and leaving the eyebrows to look like two inverted crescents. However, if a woman has some obtrusive hairs on her face which are a problem and embarrassment for her, she may remove them. When ‘A’ishah was approached by the young wife of Abu Is’haq who wished to remove her facial hairs in order to look beautiful for her husband, she advised her to do so. (Reported by atTabarani) Imam alNawawi opposes removing the hairs on a woman’s face because he considers the practice similar to plucking hair.

A fourth report says: ”A’ishah reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) cursed women who wore hair pieces and the women who aided in this practice.” (Bukhari) This method of beautification would include the modern practice of wearing wigs. It consists of using a plait of one woman’s hair or artificial hair and joining it to another woman’s hair with the object of making the woman’s hair appear very long and beautiful.

Mu’awiyah, while holding a plait of such hair in his hands during his address to the Muslims, castigated the ‘ulama: “Where are your learned men gone? (meaning why did they not stop women from using such hair) I heard the Messenger of Allah stop them from using this.” He also said, “Undoubtedly the Israelites destroyed themselves when their women adopted such things.” (Bukhari)

The Shari’ah also requires women to abstain from displaying their “decorations” except to a restricted circle of people. The Qur’an says: And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; and that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty save to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husbands’ fathers, or their sons, or their husbands’ sons, or their brothers or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical desire, or small children who have no sense of sex; and that they should not stamp their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O believers! Turn all together towards Allah, that you may attain bliss. (24:31)

Thus, the following people fall in the exceptional category to whom decorations can be displayed by a woman: Her husband. Her father, including maternal and paternal grandfathers. Her husband’s father. He is also like her own father. Her son, including grandsons from her son’s side or her daughter’s side. Her husband’s son by another woman, provided that he is staying with her, and she is looking after him as her son. Her brother, whether full, consanguine, or uterine (that is to say, real or step). Her brother’s son. Her sister’s son. Muslim women of good character. Her female slaves or servants. Children who have not yet developed sexual feelings. Her uncle, whether paternal or maternal.

It is noteworthy that the above verse of the Noble Qur’an does not mention uncle, but uncle is included in the exceptional category on the basis of a tradition of the Prophet (peace be upon him). The Prophet said, “The uncle (maternal or paternal) is of the same degree as one’s father.” (Muslim)

Let us here give a little more consideration to the women to whom another woman is permitted to display her finery. These are the women with whom she has blood or family relations. It should be borne in mind that the foregoing Qur’anic verse implies only women of good character. Other women who may not be well known to her or who are notorious for their evil ways or who may be of doubtful character are excluded from this permission, because contact with them might easily lead to disastrous results.

That is why the ‘Umar radi Allahu anhu wrote to Abu ‘Ubaidah ibn al-Jarrah, the Governor of Syria, to prohibit the Muslim women from going to the baths with the women of the Ahl al-Kitab (the People of the Book). (At-Tabari, Ibn Jazir) According to Ibn ‘Abbas too: “…a Muslim woman is not allowed to display herself before the women of the unbelievers and non-Muslim poll-tax payers (Ahl al- Dhimmah) any more than she can display herself before other men.” (At-Tabari).

This distinction between women on grounds of character and religion is intended to safeguard Muslim women against the influence of women whose moral and cultural background is either not known or is objectionable from the Islamic point of view.

It is important to note that permission to display zinat does not include permission to display those parts of the body which fall within the female satr. Thus zinat covers decorations, ornaments, clothing, hair-dos, etc. that women are by nature fond of showing in their houses.

The Shari’ah further requires a woman not to stamp on the ground while walking, lest her hidden decorations should be revealed by their jingle, and thus attract the attention of passers-by.

“O you who believe! Do not enter the Prophet’s house until leave is given you for a meal, (and then) not (so early as) to wait for its preparation; but when you are invited, enter; and when you have taken your meal, disperse, without seeking familiar talk. Such (behaviour) annoys the Prophet. He is ashamed to dismiss you, but Allah is not ashamed (to tell you) the truth. And when you ask his womenfolk for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen; that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs. Nor is it right for you that you should annoy Allah’s Apostle, or that you should marry his widows after him at any time. Truly such a thing is an enormity in Allah’s sight. (33:53)

This view seems to get support from a tradition of the Prophet in which he said: “…a woman who freely mixes with other people and shows off her decorations is without light and virtue ” (At-Tirmidhi)

Hence we may conclude that no Muslim woman should display her zinat (decoration) before others intentionally, but she is not held responsible for something which cannot be helped e.g. her stature, physical build, gait. etc. nor for uncovering her hand or face when there is a genuine need to do so and without any intention of attracting men. In such cases it is the responsibility of Muslim men not to cast evil glances at women with the intention of drawing pleasure from them. The Qur’an ordains: Say to believing men to lower their eyes. (24:30)